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runningfree · 04-26-2004, 02:48 PM

Brent,
Thanks for the words of wisdom, but it is just not working... I keep the same soapbox going and I feel myself roll down the same hole when I think I have wiggled out.
It would be easy to do if I didn't have this reminder of my neighbor that did run the marathon that I still want to be friends with and she still can run, be a mother, wife and work (not full time, but she thinks she does because it is everyday) and runs everyday. She does make it happen and I don't although if I REALLY wanted it then I should be able to fit it in. I am not asking too much, but I just want to find myself happy with myself and I know that I feel like I am lazy if I don't do the things that will get me to the point that I want to be at. It is a constant struggle and the reminder of how not-disciplined I am keeps showing everytime I see her running. The problem is that I was too easy on myself and I let it slip away because no one challenged me to show me that I need to be tougher. Medication isn't going to make me tougher or more disiciplined or kinder to myself. I really am needing to accept that I am NOT as good as I wanted or thought I was. If I want it then I have to work harder and I am not able to do it. Perhaps I am lazy or perhaps I am not strong enough to do it. If I get this person or reminder of my failures out of my life then I will have failed as a person because I could not get over this immaturity. If I try to hold onto this friendship that has been on the rocks for 18 months I believe that I will always feel defeated and lazy. This has been a battle for months and it just keeps popping up and it is me that is troubled not my friend. SHe is only troubled because I can't be a friend, but her actions and needs are my triggers of destruction. It is just immaturity to me.
--Sharon :skippy:

04-26-2004, 02:48 PM	#5 (permalink)
runningfree Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Pooh Corner, USA Posts: 116	Re: ADVICE welcomed Brent, Thanks for the words of wisdom, but it is just not working... I keep the same soapbox going and I feel myself roll down the same hole when I think I have wiggled out. It would be easy to do if I didn't have this reminder of my neighbor that did run the marathon that I still want to be friends with and she still can run, be a mother, wife and work (not full time, but she thinks she does because it is everyday) and runs everyday. She does make it happen and I don't although if I REALLY wanted it then I should be able to fit it in. I am not asking too much, but I just want to find myself happy with myself and I know that I feel like I am lazy if I don't do the things that will get me to the point that I want to be at. It is a constant struggle and the reminder of how not-disciplined I am keeps showing everytime I see her running. The problem is that I was too easy on myself and I let it slip away because no one challenged me to show me that I need to be tougher. Medication isn't going to make me tougher or more disiciplined or kinder to myself. I really am needing to accept that I am NOT as good as I wanted or thought I was. If I want it then I have to work harder and I am not able to do it. Perhaps I am lazy or perhaps I am not strong enough to do it. If I get this person or reminder of my failures out of my life then I will have failed as a person because I could not get over this immaturity. If I try to hold onto this friendship that has been on the rocks for 18 months I believe that I will always feel defeated and lazy. This has been a battle for months and it just keeps popping up and it is me that is troubled not my friend. SHe is only troubled because I can't be a friend, but her actions and needs are my triggers of destruction. It is just immaturity to me. --Sharon :skippy: