Thanks Carol. I do like hearing from you, as you would know I caused greif the last time I was a regular poster - all because I was drunk when posting.
I managed to alienate myself from the few people who cared because I got drunk, posted, and was embarrassed to come back. Took me a long time to understand that you guys care no matter what.
I will be going to AA, but my major concern is that they will resent me becaue I don't believe. Maybe I will find something to believe in while I'm there, but if I dont, does that meant the steps halt for me?
I don't want to present myself as a false person anymore. I've been doign that for so long. I don't want to go to AA and pretend to pray. One of my hall marks of being a drunk is that I sensationalise everything. My boyfriends left the country on September 11 2002 turned into "I lost someone on september 11" looking for the sympathy and attention. It disgusts me how much I do this. I almost deleted that comment. But the fact is, if I am going to get better and get this big shame monkey off my back I need to say these things. I am ashamed of what I have said. I didn't do it to get money or anything stupid like that, but I did it to get attention.
I have digressed. Mostly I just want to know that if I go to these meetings, without any belief in God will they shun me?