When I met my ABF, I knew he drank but I did not know he was an alcoholic. To complicate matters, we live at a distance from each other and when we first met, all was wonderful. But, there were those times when he got completely drunk and I saw the worst of him. I put it down to the stress of us meeting and spending an extended length of time together. It happened again and again and there were some pretty horrible times.
When we were apart, the same thing happened although he did finally admit to me that he was an alcoholic. Throughout it all, I could have walked away from it all but I didn't. I learned all I could about this disease and what it was doing not only to him but to his loved ones. It helped but still didn't erase the hurt and anger I felt. He relapsed 2 months ago just before he was supposed to go to rehab. That's when I took the step and went to Al-Anon-the best decision for me I made.
He's now in rehab and making good progress. I'm going to be joining him in about three weeks and know that the recovery is just beginning and is an ongoing process for him and for me. I have Al-Anon and he has AA and a good D/A counselor and we will be going to joint sessions as well. He's beginning to address the core issues of his alcoholism and while it's been hard, he isfinally beginning to understand them and accept the damage he has caused not just me but his family over the years. I am very proud of him for taking this step into rehab and when we talk, I'm talking to the sweet, wonderful man I fell in love with and still love deeply.
Through it all, I understand that these behaviours or addictive thinking won't disappear overnight. There will be times when they will revert to that "stinkin' thinkin" and the possibility of relapse is always there.
But, as tallulah said, people come into your life for a reason and I know that having ABF is my life - in spite of his disease - has led me on a journey of self discovery as well - I have come to face truths about myself, about my past behaviours that I would have pooh-poohed and went on with my life. I am a better person for this. I'm looking forward - with eyes wide open, to a shared life with someone I love very much. We're both taking that life one day at a time, embracing whatever life has to throw our way.