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I was able to use cough medicine a few times during my time of sobriety. It was a reminder of how much I LOVED opiates. It didn't send me on a run that time, but later when I got out of the confines of marriage/children/stressful job, I jumped back into addiction. I never forgot that opiates was the love of my life, and I wanted any excuse to use again. I thought that since I controlled my use of cough medicine, I could control my pain pill use. And I could, in the beginning.
I don't think it has to end like that. Be aware, and have someone who will let you know when you're lying to yourself.
Impurrfect, shame on Dad for subjecting you and your cousin to this abuse. My (100% clean non addict) partner was raised in an abusive addict household (clean codep father, prescription drug abusing mother), and even in his 50s (and a lifetime of scholarly study about codeps along with therapy) the scars remain. Good for you, to use it to confirm your sobriety. That's what my partner did; never used, never abused alcohol. Even now he has a problem taking (non-narcotic) meds for a serious health condition because of his association of prescription drugs with drug addicts.
LB, you're obviously a wonderful woman, and I think that addicts are particularly special and sensitive (one of the reasons we use). I admire your constant struggle to get/stay clean. I went into rehab several times, but finally got clean. You keep trying, it'll happen. Promise!
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