We all have lessons to learn, we all must walk our own path - I am in NO WAY giving advice in this post - just sharing my e, s, & h -
Letting others know things I wish I had known.
I am a fairly intelligent woman, very hard worker and have fought thru many obstacles to achieve 23 yrs on a job, and to maintain some sort of decent credit rating - while raising or helping raise 5 daughter and living with active addiction/alcoholism.
Now, I have found the courage, strength and wisdom to walk away from a 16 plus yr marriage to a man that suffers from the disease of alcoholism/addiction (who although he has tried many times has been unsuccessful in maintaining his sobriety).
Of course, He is very hurt, upset and angry about this decision. He has that right to those feelings. And as we all know
"Hurting People Hurt People"
But the sad part about it is that sometimes the Laws in our Country help them hurt us.
Because of his inability to hold a job due to his active use, he has no retirement - therefore, he will be taking half of mine.
Because of his inability to have a drivers' license (DUI's, etc.) he has no vehicle - therefore, he is eligible for half the value of mine.
Because he refused to leave the home and I did - he gets the house. Doesn't matter I had to leave for my own sanity, serenity and mental safety.
Because he works for cash (under the table) he has no record of income, therefore it appears he may need "spousal support".
So after spending almost 17 yrs supporting this person, finanicially, emotionally and physically - it appears the appreciation and thanks that I will get from that will be - Let's have some more of your money.
This is what the disease does to them - this is how it is and how the legal system aids them in their endeavors.
No matter if I loose every penny that I have - I am still so very grateful to be OUT of the marriage and that even I have to live in a box on the side of the road - I pray daily that never, ever have to go back to that world!!
The reason I post this - for those of you who are still reading this (I know it's kinda long) is for the ones that stay in the unhealthiness - for those who stay thinking that someday things may change -
Yes, I do believe that a person can change.
I do believe that sobriety and sanity can be achieved and relationships/marriages saved.
BUT I also believe in protecting ourselves.
The longer you stay in the marriage - the more you are leaving yourself open to these same circumstances. There are options. I am NOT an attorney - but there are plenty of places to go to seek legal counsel. Please do not be so blind as I to believe that your A will be grateful for all you have done for him/her over the years that they would never do this type of thing to you.
As with any active A - there isn't a line that they won't cross - right?
I have always said "The best thing about my life is that it's a perfect example of what NOT to do"
Be prepared, my friends - please protect yourself, your children, your financial well-being.
HUGS to you and yours,
and remember - even tho I may be broken - Me & My God are going to be ok - even better than OK,
Rita
