Hi Psalm,
In addition to being ACoA (and perhaps examining how much of this comes from that condition) you might also think about your own personality type.
Have you ever done the Myers-Briggs type indicator? If you learn about it, you'll see that there are some types that are simply better at being "go-getters" than others, some that are good at starting things and some that are only good at finishing, some who are content to be quiet and some who have to keep pushing and pushing professionally.
Before you condemn yourself as being broken, it's worth exploring whether this is just the way you are. I know that I have no desire --- NONE whatsoever --- to climb the corporate ladder, or to fill all my time with advancement-creating activities. My life is slower than most, and I take a lot of time to think, to explore, to understand myself, and yes, to escape. I do just fine financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually --- it's just how I am. I would be a terrible fit for someone who was constantly expecting me to drive, drive, drive.
I enjoy the things I do, and I do the things I enjoy, and that keeps me interested in the present. Forcing myself to live someone else's idea of a productive life makes me bury myself in escapism - picture me hiding in a quiet cave somewhere, waiting for them to leave
When I want to move toward something different (like growing my small business, or making more money, etc.) I have to do it in small, carefully-considered steps that fit my style and that can be made FUN. And I get there. And I love my life.
What are the GOOD things about your life, and about the way you are? Tell us THAT story.
