[Timebuster]

Hi my SR family

This is a hard subject to write about. Having experience over eleven years of recovery. I now truly understand today to never forget where I come from. Those who forget their past are doom to repeat them. ( I forgot and I repeated them.) Third Step. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him. The third step became an issue for me when I took back my will. I had taken my will back from God. By taking my will back, I gave my disease the opportunity to wake up. Anyone that is addicted knows that your disease talks to you. Not in some outside voice, but through your thoughts. It tells you things like, One won’t hurt you, or you deserve one, or you say f**k It, no one going to know. Those lies are not yourself talking to you. It is your disease that is telling you those lies. If you are in recovery and have a strong foundation you know how to put those thoughts to rest. I have done this many times in recovery. Things will be going well, and I’ll figure that I can handle my life now. Then I’ll start worrying and obsessing over details of my life, instead of turning them over to his care. Then I’ll get depressed and beaten down, come crawling back to him. Buy taking my will back I also give up my ability to make choices. The Third Step give me my sanity back. When stuff hit the fan or my back was against the wall I had God to give it over too, because I had a choice to ether kept it or give it back. What a concept if you want to be in peace. I got in to a relationship I had no business in and God give me all the signs to make the right choices and I didn’t take it, I wanted to do it my way. It didn’t take much for this disease to eat me up alive. Three years of active addiction because I wanted to do it my way. Today I have fourteen days clean, and slowly but surly Its all coming back to me. For the last three years I blamed everyone and everything for my addiction. I have no one to blame but myself. Today I have decided to give my will and my life back where it belongs.
To care of my God.

Thank for listening and your support.
Timebuster