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I too have bipolar and I know exactly what you are describing. One of the things that helps me is finding other bipolar forums that deal specifically with what I am dealing with and doing a lot of reading on them. I track my mood at moodtracker.com and that helps with my doctor, it also allows me to chronicle my moods and keep track of how I'm feeling and helps me predict how I'm going to feel because I too hate waking up in the morning and not knowing how I'm going to feel today. I hate the hospitalizations and I especially hate the meds that make me feel super foggy. I'm currently taking Invega 9mg, it's a lot like risperdal if you've ever had that one. I visit the dailystrength forums as well, they're pretty good with some good info. I also have been diagnosed with ADHD so I go to the bipolar forum over on addforums.com and they always help me out as well. It will be ok, and I think you know that because you tell people that all you're really needing is some encouragement. One thing that always helps me when I'm like that is that the medication can only help me partially. Sometimes I have to help myself, and it's what I do right now that defines me. When I tell myself that I always seem to choose to pick myself up and make the best of it. It's a huge self-esteem booster and gives us bipolar sufferers some much needed confidence. I really hope this helps cause I know how you are feeling and I really know it sucks hard.
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