[groverat]

I'm so sick of dealing with bipolar. I try as hard as I can to be grateful and upbeat, but my efforts just do not seem to be working for me now. I am so tired of of all of it. Dealing with meds, going to the doc, hospitalization, waking up having no idea how I'm going to feel today. I stay in a total fog with this Lamictal, but it's working to control my bipolar, sort of. One thing for sure is that I am not going through another med change - it takes all the patience I can muster and seems like it takes forever to get through it. Another thing is the cost. I do not make much money at my job, and I'm tired of spending so much of it on pdoc and meds. I've tried the social services route and they treat you like so much cattle. I have always hated my mother for giving me this gift. She's dead now and I still hate her. I know that's stupid. And the time it takes out of my life. I go to AA meetings every day, do a lot of service work, group therapy two hours on Saturday, all this after a grueling work day. I just don't know what else I can do to try to help myself. I'm tired, tired, tired. I definitely need an attitude adjustment. I'm full of self-pity and I hate that. I think my thinking is all messed up. I need someone to tell me it's going to be OK.