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Originally Posted by betreurt  I'm sitting here working on my 4th step for the first time. I'm writing out my resentments. I researched a lot of material, read the instructions in the BB closely, found a good worksheet to help me organize the information, but am still having some difficulty with the fourth part about the nature of my wrongs. What does this mean? I mean, if someone beat the hell out of you and raped you, and you're resentful towards that person, how do you examine your own wrongdoing in that type of situation? I'm not trying to avoid this part of the step, I'm just confused and need some guidance. I'm meeting with my sponsor tomorrow, but any insights any of you have in the meantime would be appreciated as well.
Thanks. |
These are fine questions to be asking. You will begin to see some truth in column 3 looking at areas of self affected. Column four will set you free, the book says we are prepared to look at this from an entirely different angle, well, thats what we must do. Here's an example of 4th column truths for folks who were victimized.
Selfishness and Selfcenteredness:Playing the martyr, using the event as a means to garnish attention and sympathy, by not confronting the person, by not using spiritual tools, by replaying the event over and over.
Dishonest: by playing God, by not talking about it, by pretending it didn't occur
Fear: of confrontation, of other people's opinions, of looking bad, feeling bad, etc..
So, as you can see, even though there are situations which we did not cause, such as being molested when a child etc... we are at fault in how we carried this crap with us for years after...anyone capable of seeing this truth and moving on is well on their way to becoming recovered. Victims do not get well.