thinking back to one year & five months ago
I read a lot of good stuff on these boards. Lots of ES&H from people who have been sober for decades, years, even weeks & months who have gained an invaluable wisdom from their personal experiences in recovery.
I'm also seeing a lot of postings from people who are "new" (first time quitting, still drinking, can't seem to stop, can't put more than two weeks together) and who feel like they *know* for a fact what they need/what they don't, what will/won't work for them, etc. when it comes to recovery.
I am talking mainly about the anti-AA posts, but this also includes any manner of judging something before one has had any depth of experience with it. (I am not immune to this.)
I just had a recollection of a few years ago, when I was still drinking and not planning to stop; the man who would become my first sponsor suggested that I try an AA meeting. I think my response was something akin to snorting out my beer and saying, "that's all fine for people like *you*, but I have an Ivy League degree..."
At that time, however, I was not looking for any kind of solution because I didn't have a problem. At least, maybe I had a little problem but certainly was not an alcoholic.
I did not seek recovery until I was so beaten down into a state of reasonableness that I had no business rejecting what anyone had to offer. So I came to AA after a 30-day inpatient rehab (we'll see if it *really* worked...only sober a year and five months here...) even though I knew AA was a deeply flawed anachronism that should have died off years ago.
In other words, I swallowed my contempt of something I had no experience with whatsoever because I needed to save my life. That open-mindedness, combined with the willingness to persist in a few simple actions every day, is the key to my sobriety today.
Today I don't need to know anything: I don't need to know whether AA works or if my higher power is a doorknob or a pair of swim goggles. All I know is that I am sober and happy, joyous, free.
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"Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
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