I'm sorry you're going through this spooner -- I too am in the same boat. I've been with my AH for 27 yrs, married 20 of them. His disease has been progressing for the past 10 years but really rapidly for the past six months.
I feel I'm starting to slowly shift -- as soon as I started coming here, worrying about only me and my children and letting him clean up his own messes -- very hard for me as I have so much shame and embarrassment around it. Not sure why I should but I learned well in my childhood.
It is starting to get better as I shift my focus to me. He is not out of my home yet and once that happens, I'm sure I'll be here a lot! But one day at a time.
When I started coming here (very recently -- still a newbie really), some things that really hit home with me are the stickies at the top of the forum page -- especially Let Me Fall and what addicts do. It helped me to realize what it is I'm really dealing with here.
I have always been someone who believes deeply in my vows "in sickness and in health" and have really kept that as my montra for the past few years. I then read a quote from a post here..........
"unacceptable behaviours do not become acceptable behaviours because of marriage vows" -- wow! that one really spelled it out for me.
I know this a disease - I would often say "I wouldn't leave someone with cancer" -- then someone pointed out to me that I possibly would leave if they refused treatment to get well and were abusive to me.
There are many many quotes and advice that I have read here that describe my situation and my fears. I have started a journal/book with many of them in it. It helps me to read through it regularly.
Keep reading here, focus on yourself and hang in there. It is such a terrible disease, but your life, our lives are important to cherish and to live. It's no way to live