Originally Posted by
spooner 
Protect the children, protect the AH, protect the A mother, it's always been someone.
I empathize with you spooner, but may I ask what are you really protecting anyone from as it currently stands? My mother's position is the same - I should be 'protecting' my AH from himself. Stop him from leaving the house if he's drinking. Protect him from his work finding out or being drunk at a work function, on and on. I have been in al anon for 6 months and now I'm realizing that it isn't really protection at all. Real protection is standing up for myself, my feelings, values, and keeping ALL alcoholic behaviour away from my 15 month old baby girl. And even though I've had similar feelings to you, that gut-wrenching feeling, I picture my baby girl and I'm able to deal and stand firm. I've put up with a lot for myself, but I have found new strength for both of us through her.
It's really hard for us to start thinking of ourselves first and to stop taking responsibility for others. But resolve grows with each step and with each day that you commit to it. Hang in there.