I guess the only way to explain it is many years of taking care of an A. Growing up I always felt responsible. I was always the one that had to take care of things and help conceal my AM problem. I was always making peace in the family. Now that I'm married to one and have been for many years I still feel the need to make peace and have everyone happy. Protect the children, protect the AH, protect the A mother, it's always been someone.
When I say I know in my head it's the right thing to do, I do know that. I've done enough reading and research to know what the right thing to do, unfortunately my heart feels totally different. I don't handle manipulation well at all. I always cave in. It's just easier to do that than to fight and stand up for what I know in my "head" is right.
This time I did that and really expected to feel good and right about it but I just have an awful pit in my stomach about it all. I just want to feel better about things. I think I have squelched my feelings for so long that I don't know how to deal with them now. Anyway, thanks for all your support, this forum is a godsend.