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Dor,
Why do you say you're responsible for him until he's 21?
You're in NY. That means he's an adult at 18. He's responsible for himself -- legally.
Now, I know how foolish that really is, but, it is the law, and it's what you've got working for you. You can cut him loose if he refuses to follow simple directions in your home. Hard as it is, it's the kindest thing to do.
Shalom!
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