Hello! I used to be on these forums a few months ago but under the substance abuse section, but now I have a question for mental health. A little background--I have bipolar II and anxiety. I am also a recovering opiate addict. I did an inpatient detox 4 months ago for 4 days but have relapsed numerous times since then. I just ended a 3 1/2 week relapse--11 days clean this time around. The longest I've made it before is 23 days.
I've been on every antidepressant there is and a variety of mood stabilizers and antipsychotic with no success. Basically I'm one of those 'treatment resistant' people. Now I'm on Lamictal 200mg daily and Geodon 120mg daily. I also take 1mg xanax as needed up to 3mg/day (not addicted to xanax--need it for the anxiety-never had a problem with abusing it). I also take lunesta 3-4mg nightly for sleep. Lastly, I take suboxone which is used to help with the opiate addiction. I have both a therapist who I see weekly and a psychiatrist I've been seeing pretty much weekly for teh last 3 months as well. He didn't know about several of my relapses including my most recent, but I came clean to him last week and we're working on my meds now.
With my bipolar II, it is more chronic depression than anything. Actually there are times I wonder if I'm really bipolar or not since I don't experience the mania part--I guess you could say I am hypomanic, but I"ve been self-medicating for years with opiates. I have been on the psych meds for years also. The ones I'm on now are working really well so nothing is going to change there. When I told him last week that I had started using again several times over the past 2 months he asked me point blank (while I'm sitting there crying) what it is about the pills and the way they make me feel that I don't feel when I'm not taking the pills. He has said to me in the past I'm a drug addict because I'm bipolar and have never been treated appropriately.
I told him last week and again this week when we talked that the pain pills make me feel motivated, give me energy, just make me feel good. So, he decided to try adding adderall to my meds. He said I'm probably going through opiate fatigue and need to jump start my system again. He started me on 10mg 3x/day. I took my first one late yesterday afternoon and no more after that because of it being too late (didn't want to be up all night). I didn't take the one first thing this a.m. because I don't get out of bed until noon and I wanted to sleep. Tomorrow I plan on taking the a.m. one and just trying to go back to sleep after (sleep is important to me). I took 10mg when I woke up today, around 12. About an hour after I took it I was exhausted! I was out doing errands and literally couldn't keep my eyes open. By the time I was done it technically was time for me to take my next one (4-6 hours apart), but I really needed to take a nap (I usually don't take naps). I slept until 6 p.m. Knowing I'd be up tonight because of taking a late nap I took one at 6 after my nap. I do have energy now, not that severe exhaustion. Im a little irritable, but that's also part and parcel for me.
So, after this long drawn out post, my questions to all of you knowledgeable people are these--have you used adderall and are you bipolar? How has it worked? Do you also have dual-diagnosis with substance abuse? I guess overall am I doing a good thing by adding this to my med regimen. I trust my doctor 100%--he is nationally known and specializes in both addiction and bipolar.
I myself am very intelligent and well educated and work in the medical field, so I know a lot about different medications. I know he is using the adderall in a kind of off label use since it's mostly for ADHD/ADD and narcolepsy. His point is to make me feel the way I do when I'm on opiates so that I can start getting my life back (I'm not working, living with my parents, had to leave my job because of drug use--had been there 5 years, had to move home because of drug use....the typical story of an addict). I need that motivation and drive to get back out there and start my life over clean and sober. I'm working on my master's degree and that is the only thing that I do to get through the day. I at least need the energy to get out and volunteer--anything to get out of the house. I'm not at the point mentally where I can get another job right now.
Sorry this is so long and if you'd read this far I really appreciate your time. I know we're all on here to try to help each other so any words of wisdom, advice, encouragement, etc., is greatly appreciated. Even if you want to tell me I'm making a huge mistake with my meds I'll listen to that as well!
Thanks in advance!
Sunflower