[Tomas]

Here it is 7:45 PM, sitting on my boat in Panama writing this article or thread whatever you call it...I mean who needs it...I could be doing something else besides this..I could go over to the bar/restaurant, a cold Ginger Ale in hand, watch TV, CNN in English, or surf the web here on my boat, maybe study some Spanish...”It's getting worse not better”...maybe play my guitar for awhile....Even at my age it's a chick magnet...whether they speak English or not...LOL

My spiritual mentor, Joseph Campbell, the highly respected mythologist and eminent college professor said, that if you believe you have an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, “you are right.. you do.”..in my case there is a hardened worldly cynic sitting on one shoulder, and a helpful caring soul on the other.. The latter won out.. after several days of thinking about it.. it became a recurring reminder on my conscience...and needed to write and post

What I'm talking about is this. I read more than a few articles, threads and replies from those posted who were either unsuccessful with AA, found a better way, or resigned themselves to the fact that they were loners and just didn't get along with people, and terefore would go it alone...find some alternative... maybe something that preferably doesn't mention God. Something like that.

I've been sober a long long time, more years than many of you on this planet..The cynic on my left shoulder..could give a rats ass what you think of AA, the program, the people, God consciousness, the Steps, Big Book... on an on.. packaged in one word the “ethos” of AA...It's worked, or works for me...In fact I got this thing AA pretty easy...a person who drank around the clock, smoked a little weed from time to time, went to my first meeting and haven't drank or picked up since....a nice life...sought of retired now, sailing my boat around the world.

I heard it all, over the years, volunteered in treatment centers, seeing for myself what happened to people who stopped going to meetings. Even went through a war sober, not able to attend a meeting for six months...today circumstances have been such, not having been to a meeting in a year.. bothers me at times when I'm low, I'm only human, but generally on pretty good spiritual terms..often hearing the expression in my conscience “You go to meetings unless you have a legitimate reason for not going”.

So why am I writing this..The shoulder on the opposite side of my head from the cynic won out..Let me give you a short sea story so you'll get the point...I was sailing from Key West to Mexico..I saw some clouds on the horizon that didn't look good....I had two reefs in the main, and furled my headsail...A large ship coming from the opposite direction, was bearing down on me... Even as a retired ship's oficer, I wondered what he was doing..He went from sea speed, to maneuvering speed to stop engines...I was in the midst of a violent squall, thankfully it was short lived..but there was damage..and after things settled..had to turn back...You see the ship had radar..he could see the storm...he took the time even before it hit, to be there if I needed help...Thanks to his radar “This good Captain saw, what I couldn't see for myself"

You see anyone can stop drinking, chances are, if you stopped drinking on your own, and it's maybe five years or so..chances are you wouldn't be on this site..and those who feel AA is a bunch of losers who sit around and tell war stories of their drinking, or feel AA is regimented, or just don't fit in with people because you are a loner...You my friends are “Classic”...LOL Welcome to the club.

If AA had any rules, wanted money, took attendance, cared whether I liked you or not..or had to ingratiate myself on other's, ”You think I'd go... or make it.. Hell no...that's why I did make it..so far.

They really didn't care about the ideas I brought into the rooms..They just told me don't drink today..and come back..I hated the people for loving me.. I hated myself..but they told me to come back...My sick mind was looking for a way to get expelled...They asked me if I would pick up the ash trays....(AA rooms were like smoke houses in those days, everyone had an ash tray)..I told this nice lady...no I won't pick up any one's ash tray...She didn't get angry..she told me to come back...God I needed a drink so badly...at home even laid on the floor, the pain was so great...but I kept coming..I shook for weeks...There weren't detoxes around..I just kept coming to meetings sober.

Weeks later a coffee makers job became available..I wanted the job badly...but wouldn't ask. They certainly wouldn't ask me..not after the way I behaved about the ash trays.. so I thought...but they asked me anyway...and I smiled and said yes... They could see something that I couldn't see..they saw that I was sober and could see into my heart..I learned to keep my mouth shut to listen..My first lesson with humility..Listen to learn.

You see when you put the plug in the jug...there's a lot more to not drinking than not drinking...you are now dealing with the disease of alcoholism...and you can't treat the disease alone...it will kill you. Don't take my word..Carl Jung said it first...later the AMA acknowledged the disease..and acknowledged a recovery from the disease, and the recovery was essentially spiritual in nature... Quickly I learned, by not talking for 90 days, not bitching or whining, nor justifying, not looking for the need to be understood..I began to learn how to stay sober. I began to learn that now I was a teacher, that I had something to give to a new comer..”How'd you do it a newcomer would say,.. Not picking up a drink one day at a time..”I was sharing my limited success”...and that is the road to spiritual growth..that is the road to sobriety..a life free from the chains of alcohol..a temporary reprieve based upon my continuous spiritual growth.

So when I here someone doing it themselves...part of me says they are probably not alcoholics..and for whatever reason..gave it up bravo..Who cares.. On the other hand if they are alcoholics and giving you that rubbish...having heard it before, having prayed over the grave markers.. Like the ship, "my conscience cares", and those who don't like the people, or feel they are anti social.. YOU MY FRIEND...don't think..just keep on coming back... To get along with others, you need to get along with yourself..You see most loners are ego-maniacs with inferiority complexes..of course they don't fit in...you want attention..but it never dawned on you..that you have nothing to offer but a cold heart.. and you don't even know it..feeling sorry for yurself...all part of the illness. We who have been there understand.. Me...the coffeemaker...a change of heart..and that's how we get better..my heart began to change...that's spiritual growth..doing for others..now I began to fit in...I began to laugh and like the people...”It's very difficult to not like a person when they like you...and I began to like myself..then the rest is easy

Why it's so ridiculous even to profess you have stopped drinking on your own is that alcohol and or drugs is only a symbol of the underlying causes of the DISEASE..The Steps...The first three bring you to a level of spirituality that the heart and soul acknowledges that you ARE INDEED an alcoholic and not in denial..The next two from that humble beginning, a realistic look at yourself and where improvement can be made...the next four steps.. six through nine, taking action, making that attempt to become better from what you saw in four and five...the last three a prescription of decent living, as a result of the previous nine...nothing controversial

Don't be a booze fighter...don't resign yourself to anti social attitudes toward others..don't judge...we understand...we don't defend or justify ourselves...we understand...Some of us were just like you...The disease is a killer but treatable..

Come back and LIVE... Today “Just don't drink..don't THINK...just go to a meeting” if alcohol or drugs is a problem...Do it for yourself as (SRV) says you got to take care of yourself before you can help others..Booze and drugs destroy the love..and then take the life.