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TigerLili · 01-16-2009, 06:07 AM

I've been in AA for 8 months and I'm 82 days sober.

I have to go and have a clinical appraisal to see if I am Bi Polar. I am most likely BP II. I am a bit manic this week. All week people have been telling me that I look great (I was a hot mess when I came into the rooms), that I've reall GOT IT, I've written about 50 pages of great (IMO) insight into my head, had messages from my higher power ('everything you think is wrong', if 'you can't pray for yourself pray for someone else' - I could go on.)

A red flag went up when everyone was telling me I really had IT - even people with 20 years sobriety. I've been sober 82 days. I got nothing here. I'm one drink away from the grave. I'm hanging on by my fingernails.

I've lost about 10 pounds recently and have a new hair style, so yes, I do look much better than I did a while ago, but I feel like the book is being judged by it's cover and the contents are being disregarded. I am a hot mess - every aspect of my life is in crisis but I have been able to start getting help. I have a debt counselling apt on Monday, I have had some repairs long overdue done on my home, got some advice on an employment law situation etc. It's taken me 8 months to get this far. I am far, far, far from well. I am only 82 days sober and I am scared to death.

The thing that concerns me is that I have a great spiritual belief in a higher power, have had many mystical experiences and believe in coincidences. According to the assessment form I had to fill in, believing that you have had mystical experiences and noticing many coincidences are two of the indicators of bi polar.

I can't get my head around this. Does that mean I can't believe in god any more?

I am so desperate to get well that I'm totally prepared to believe I was hallucinating or imagining things or whatever, but if for me, a belief in a higher power is a symptom of a mental illness, how will I get recovery?

What do other people with bi polar do?

01-16-2009, 06:07 AM	#1 (permalink)
TigerLili Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 370 Blog Entries: 20	Is God a mental illness? I've been in AA for 8 months and I'm 82 days sober. I have to go and have a clinical appraisal to see if I am Bi Polar. I am most likely BP II. I am a bit manic this week. All week people have been telling me that I look great (I was a hot mess when I came into the rooms), that I've reall GOT IT, I've written about 50 pages of great (IMO) insight into my head, had messages from my higher power ('everything you think is wrong', if 'you can't pray for yourself pray for someone else' - I could go on.) A red flag went up when everyone was telling me I really had IT - even people with 20 years sobriety. I've been sober 82 days. I got nothing here. I'm one drink away from the grave. I'm hanging on by my fingernails. I've lost about 10 pounds recently and have a new hair style, so yes, I do look much better than I did a while ago, but I feel like the book is being judged by it's cover and the contents are being disregarded. I am a hot mess - every aspect of my life is in crisis but I have been able to start getting help. I have a debt counselling apt on Monday, I have had some repairs long overdue done on my home, got some advice on an employment law situation etc. It's taken me 8 months to get this far. I am far, far, far from well. I am only 82 days sober and I am scared to death. The thing that concerns me is that I have a great spiritual belief in a higher power, have had many mystical experiences and believe in coincidences. According to the assessment form I had to fill in, believing that you have had mystical experiences and noticing many coincidences are two of the indicators of bi polar. I can't get my head around this. Does that mean I can't believe in god any more? I am so desperate to get well that I'm totally prepared to believe I was hallucinating or imagining things or whatever, but if for me, a belief in a higher power is a symptom of a mental illness, how will I get recovery? What do other people with bi polar do?