Here we go again. I knew this would be hard, but never this hard.
I drank every day for the last 5+ years. Can't remember exactly when it became every day. The last 3 years I have tried to stop. Started AA meetings and I haven't drunk since September, except one little slip on December 3rd.
So, why are these pills so, so hard? There is this pop song out on the radio at the moment, which sums the feelings up.
Sometimes
I Feel like I’m going out of
My mind,
Boy the way you do me is a
damn crime,
But then you smile at me
and its all right,
With you there aint nothin' in between,
Every time that I walk out the door,
Tell myself I won't take it no more,
There’s a part of me won't let you go
I keep saying yes when my minds saying no,
Chorus:
Me and my heart we got issues,
Don’t know if I should hate you or miss you,
Damn, I wish that I could resist you,
Can't decide if I should leave you or kiss you.
Change my number and throw out your clothes,
But my feelings for you, it still shows,
I keep building the walls round my heart,
But then I see you, and it all falls apart...
Why fight it, cant hide it
Truth is I think I like it,
Confusion, illusion
Still I don’t know which way to go….
The way things stand at the moment, I got pills in the cupboard in case life gets too much again. Right now, I'm too scared not to have them nearby. I feel too alone, as a mum and stuff.
Haven't had any today tho (yet). And I've felt OK today. Work is hectic, but I just show up, do what I have to. At least I'm not dealing with psychopathic teenagers, lol!!!
