SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Do any of you get "weird" around your sobriety date?

tanyapmc · 01-13-2009, 08:41 PM

You know.......weirder than normal?

I will have 2 years clean and sober on Saturday. I am really grateful for that. My DOC was opiates and benzos. But I drank a lot of Nyquil too. I would have eaten green beans if they would have changed the way I felt.

My life is SO SO SO much better than when I was using. Hell, I didn't have a life. All I did was use and go to the doctor and get more pills. I was always in fear of running out. I would run out many times and had many seizures as the result of benzo withdrawal.

I ended up back in rehab Jan 2007. It was my 7th treatment center. I am not proud of that but such is life. I got there and started having seizures my 3rd day there. They could not control them in the rehab and I ended up in the hospital. They also could not control them so I ended up on a breathing machine in ICU for a week.

When they were intubating me (sticking the tube down my throat) they had given me the paralyzing medication but my mind was still awake. I remember every moment of being intubated. It was horrific. I think that is where I did my first step. I knew that I was powerless over chemicals and that obviously my life was unmanageable.

It was an awful experience and I am so very grateful for that experience because now when I think of using I go back to that thought and experience. I never want to go through that again. I never want my loved ones to have to watch me in ICU and not breathing on my own.

WELL, OK. I do not know why I put all that here. Hopefully it will help someone.

As I said, I am almost 2 years clean and sober. Totally by God's grace. I am in school and getting my bachelors in Social work. I am married to a wonderful man who put up with all of that shite for 15 years.

But I just feel a bit "off" A little depressed. Not crying depressed. Just not as happy as I "think" I should be.

Alot has happened this last year. My parents moved in. We had a huge hurricane. There was a lot of upheaval.

I think I miss the excitement. I don't know about all of you but I got really excited about scoring and using.

I no longer have real lows but I also do not have real highs.

I don't know what all of this means but I just needed to get it out.

I am grateful to be clean and sober. I think sobriety rocks and if this is as good as it gets then this is good enough.

Thanks for reading!

01-13-2009, 08:41 PM	#1 (permalink)
tanyapmc Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Nunyabusinessville, Texas Posts: 4,443 Blog Entries: 2	Do any of you get "weird" around your sobriety date? You know.......weirder than normal? I will have 2 years clean and sober on Saturday. I am really grateful for that. My DOC was opiates and benzos. But I drank a lot of Nyquil too. I would have eaten green beans if they would have changed the way I felt. My life is SO SO SO much better than when I was using. Hell, I didn't have a life. All I did was use and go to the doctor and get more pills. I was always in fear of running out. I would run out many times and had many seizures as the result of benzo withdrawal. I ended up back in rehab Jan 2007. It was my 7th treatment center. I am not proud of that but such is life. I got there and started having seizures my 3rd day there. They could not control them in the rehab and I ended up in the hospital. They also could not control them so I ended up on a breathing machine in ICU for a week. When they were intubating me (sticking the tube down my throat) they had given me the paralyzing medication but my mind was still awake. I remember every moment of being intubated. It was horrific. I think that is where I did my first step. I knew that I was powerless over chemicals and that obviously my life was unmanageable. It was an awful experience and I am so very grateful for that experience because now when I think of using I go back to that thought and experience. I never want to go through that again. I never want my loved ones to have to watch me in ICU and not breathing on my own. WELL, OK. I do not know why I put all that here. Hopefully it will help someone. As I said, I am almost 2 years clean and sober. Totally by God's grace. I am in school and getting my bachelors in Social work. I am married to a wonderful man who put up with all of that shite for 15 years. But I just feel a bit "off" A little depressed. Not crying depressed. Just not as happy as I "think" I should be. Alot has happened this last year. My parents moved in. We had a huge hurricane. There was a lot of upheaval. I think I miss the excitement. I don't know about all of you but I got really excited about scoring and using. I no longer have real lows but I also do not have real highs. I don't know what all of this means but I just needed to get it out. I am grateful to be clean and sober. I think sobriety rocks and if this is as good as it gets then this is good enough. Thanks for reading!