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devastated · 01-12-2009, 12:57 PM

Well, here it is not quite 3 months since my son has been out of prison and now showing signs of "using" once again.

The first sign is not wanting to be part of the family. Isolating himself. Doing nothing all day but holdin up in the room.

Well, that isn't going over well with Mr. Dev and I, so I went over the ground rules again. That worked well!

Now he is "holding" up at the girl's house across the lake. He is like "living there" all week, comes back here on Tuesdays 'cause he's suppose to be goin to anger management meetings.

Last Tuesday we had words and he stormed out of here doing the "yell" thing. Mr. Dev, of course, wasn't here otherwise he never would do that. Later that day he called to yell about something, and I said "maybe I'll just call your Parole Officer and share this with him!" His answer was "GO AHEAD CALL HIM, I WANT YOU TO!" I hung up.

You will not believe it, but within half hour the PO shows up at the door, looking for John because he said they had an appointment.

I called John and, of course, he still had the "attitude" says "WHAT??" I very calmly say, "your PO wants to have a word with you!" LOL Took the wind right out of his sails! He was stunned because he thought for sure I had called him like I said. It couldn't have worked out more perfectly!

Anyway, haven't seen him since, and don't care to. I told the PO he wasn't doing was he was suppose to be doing, and it looks to me like he may be using again. PO was actually "sad" because he said he had high hopes for him. He said, he coudn't believe he would blow it when he has all this, meaning the home and, of course, nice parents. LOL He said he could understand a lot of the others relapsing 'cause they don't have much in their lives, but John has everything, but an excuse!

So, I figure if he doesn't get back on track (it may be too late, if he tests dirty) he will be going back again. Only this next time will be different.

No more phone calls, no letters, no contact! I've already warned him this would happen. And, when he gets out there will be no "nice home" for him to come to! That's it!

I'm proud of myself for one thing and that is, when the gf calls looking for him 'cause he didn't show up there, and I start to go into that "worry" mode, I say to myself, "I can choose to worry, or I can choose not to!" I have chosen not to!

I have done everything all these years to help, but know now that the choices he makes are his and his alone! If he doesn't care about us, there isn't anything I can do. I know he is sick, but so does he know it! Only he can take care of the problem! I'm not lifting one figure to help him do anything!

Hugs, Devastated

01-12-2009, 12:57 PM	#1 (permalink)
devastated Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Calif Posts: 675	Update on son Well, here it is not quite 3 months since my son has been out of prison and now showing signs of "using" once again. The first sign is not wanting to be part of the family. Isolating himself. Doing nothing all day but holdin up in the room. Well, that isn't going over well with Mr. Dev and I, so I went over the ground rules again. That worked well! Now he is "holding" up at the girl's house across the lake. He is like "living there" all week, comes back here on Tuesdays 'cause he's suppose to be goin to anger management meetings. Last Tuesday we had words and he stormed out of here doing the "yell" thing. Mr. Dev, of course, wasn't here otherwise he never would do that. Later that day he called to yell about something, and I said "maybe I'll just call your Parole Officer and share this with him!" His answer was "GO AHEAD CALL HIM, I WANT YOU TO!" I hung up. You will not believe it, but within half hour the PO shows up at the door, looking for John because he said they had an appointment. I called John and, of course, he still had the "attitude" says "WHAT??" I very calmly say, "your PO wants to have a word with you!" LOL Took the wind right out of his sails! He was stunned because he thought for sure I had called him like I said. It couldn't have worked out more perfectly! Anyway, haven't seen him since, and don't care to. I told the PO he wasn't doing was he was suppose to be doing, and it looks to me like he may be using again. PO was actually "sad" because he said he had high hopes for him. He said, he coudn't believe he would blow it when he has all this, meaning the home and, of course, nice parents. LOL He said he could understand a lot of the others relapsing 'cause they don't have much in their lives, but John has everything, but an excuse! So, I figure if he doesn't get back on track (it may be too late, if he tests dirty) he will be going back again. Only this next time will be different. No more phone calls, no letters, no contact! I've already warned him this would happen. And, when he gets out there will be no "nice home" for him to come to! That's it! I'm proud of myself for one thing and that is, when the gf calls looking for him 'cause he didn't show up there, and I start to go into that "worry" mode, I say to myself, "I can choose to worry, or I can choose not to!" I have chosen not to! I have done everything all these years to help, but know now that the choices he makes are his and his alone! If he doesn't care about us, there isn't anything I can do. I know he is sick, but so does he know it! Only he can take care of the problem! I'm not lifting one figure to help him do anything! Hugs, Devastated