[genrs123]

hi everyone!

things are going good. the process of moving and finishing up school extensions (i got approval via my therapist for inability to focus and major depression) have given my mind to be engaged over something besides AXBF.
it was really hard, but ive come a long way. I think.

I am looking forward to living somewhere new. I know I woud never ever have moved if it wasnt for detaching and accepting that it was over. and although im still in somewhat of a personal hell for not moving on, its getting better and i am atleast acting on the acceptance. sometimes the feeling or belief comes after. first you have faith, or act upon it- and than it comes to be.

I changed my medication a few days ago, and im on luvox. i really like it! and its only been a few days. i am still obsessed but its like a rubber band. I can only go so far. i am trying to meanwhile do things instead of testing it to see if i can make the rubber band snap and go back to my previous thought patterns.

i deleted myself from a social networking site, and i had 3000 emails- some sentimental from AXBF. I was in the process of going through them for the past few weeks, before i considered deleting myself. the other day i just decided to not save any of them, move on, delete the whole thing. (he had recently tried to be my "friend" on there again despite me stating my boundaries, and me constantly telling him that i need more time to heal).

Since i already changed my number, this was our last point of contact. he knows im moving to another city, i think thats why he did that.

oh well. id like to be "normal" and be friends with my ex atleast on a social network, but im not like them. im still walking around like a wounded bird. and this is what i had to do for self care. otherwise id still be like those rats trying to get food or the monkey with an arm stuck in a cage because i wont let go of the food.