[woodtick]

Hi rf,
I'm glad you are posting your thoughts. It is good to get things out in the open and get other people's perspectives and thoughts. Like Eddie said, you did not choose to be depressed. Unfortunately depression only lets us see the bad things within ourselves. The more we see bad things the more depressed we get. It's a vicious cycle.

I have felt just like how you are feeling now. I know how hard it can be. You haven't done anything bad like kill someone. You've just got a disease that keeps you down is all. Once you get that licked your problems with negativity around others will be solved I would think. Anybody that has blinders on from depression and only sees bad things would be negative. How could you not.

Focusing on yourself wouldn't be a bad thing if you were doing it to help your recovery from depression. When we don't like ourselves there usually is a reason. If the reason is a lie or exaggeration we need to see the truth first. If it is something that is the truth we need to try to change it and put it in our past. That is the way to liking and loving ourselves. Everybody in this world would hate themselves if they didn't do it.

I really hate to see you feeling bad. You are an intelligent, sensitive, kind, wonderful person who cares. You have a good heart and that is what matters throughout life. I don't mean to use a cliché' but it is appropriate and I don't know how else to say it. Everything else is minimal and can be worked on in time. You bring a lot of good things to the world around you, maybe you just can't see them right now. You have lots of things good to offer. Think about all those children that you bring joy to at work. I bet they adore you because you are a wonderful person inside. I bet they go home at night and talk about you and think about learning their homework to please you. I'm sure there are many other things that you do in life that make this world a better place.

Try to understand your depression better. If you do, you will be able to turn it around sooner and you will love yourself for doing it. There is hope S, you just need to find the questions before you can get the answers.