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GameOver · 01-07-2009, 09:41 AM

I saw these questions on page one and decided to fill them out for myself to see how well I'd do. Pretty insightful stuff. I've posted them here to share with all of you.. let me know how you think I did. I do understand I need more work just yet. Now mind you I am creeping up on 4 days now with not a single drink, not a single pill..No smoking of weed either.

1. What does the disease of Addiction mean to me? - Its something that has been gripping my life for a long, long time. I never thought of it as a disease much.. What it means now is that I really need and want to change. Rid myself of this disease for once and for all. It means having to hide my use. Hope I never get caught. I have enough stress in my life to have to worry about this disease on top of it.

2.Has my disease been active recently? How? - Well when I started my detox, I really wanted to take another pill to be rid of the pain.. But the pain is all in my head. I have more confidence in myself when I'm not on something. Just one thing I don't have to worry about anymore..

3.What is it like when I am obsessed with something?Does my thinking follow a pattern?Describe - When I am obsessed with something I have to give it my all. Really want to have it. And get it as soon as possible.

4.How does the self centered part of my disease affect my life and the lives of those around me? - I stop thinking about everything when I'm high. My worries go away. And I shut myself out from the rest of my family members. When they deserve to have me in part of their lives as much as I want them in mine.

5.How have I blamed others for my behavior? - Of course I've blamed others.. lashed out when people were asking me to do something when I was high.. or if people critcized me I would lash back out at them and say nothing is wrong with me.. When there truly was all along.

6.Do I feel I have enough info. on addiction and recovery to get my behavior under control before it gets out of hand? - I am not going to let it get out of hand anymore. And I am researching the information now as we speak and talking to folks with similar problems under SR.com. I may even go to one of these meetings on Monday.

7.What crisis brought me to recovery? - Well I have to grow up and be sober to land a job. Everyone drug tests.. But it's not even that anymore. I want to be clean for me.

8.When did I first recognize my addiction as a problem?Did I try to correct it?If so, how? If not, why? - I never knew I had a real problem till I realized addiction was part of my life everday, every minute. Eating those pills was like being in cloud 9 all day long.. But it's not how I wanted to live anymore. I have tried to correct it once or twice down the line.. here and there.. But I always went back after a period of time. Just cause I didn't care anymore.

9. Over what exactly, am I powerless? - Hopefully nothing anymore.. but I still have a ways to go. I was obviously powerless to stop when I should have years ago.

10.How has my addiction caused me to hurt myself and others? - I didn't strive hard enough to be what I always wanted to be.. And because drugs (now) and alchohol (when I was younger) I did what I had to do just to get wasted whenever I had free time. Thats what It came down to. I never strived harder to do something greater. And now it's hurting me and my family. I could be supporting them with a good job now.. but it's never too late to start fresh again. And I will now.

11.What does being unmanageable mean to me? - The lack of control and capability to handle an idea, or a task at hand.

12.Did I take drugs or act out on my addictionto change or harbor my feelings?What was I trying to change or hide? - When work I smoked weed to relax after a hard days work. Watched movies and had better concentration (I think) when playing video games. I doubt thats really the reason now. I guess I did all of this stuff to hide my past and an abusive relationship with my step-father.

13.Have I accepted the full measure of my disease? - Not yet but I am coming to terms with it. Thanks to this site and all the helpfull information I have received in the past 4 days.

14.Do I think I can still associate with people connected with my addiction? - Well my brother uses Roxi's all the time. I have no choice but to associate with him. He's where I was getting the majority of my recent DOC fix. I don't really know anyone else so I don't think that will be an issue at the present time.

15.Can I begin my recovery without complete surrender? - No. Not at all.

16.In what ways am I practicing open mindedness? - Listening to other peoples problems and asking questions. People with similar or different problems than mine.

17.Am I willing to follow my sponsors direction? - Don't have a sponsor yet.

18. Do I have a sense of my relative importance within my circle of family and friends? In society? What is that sense? - Well I hope one day my parents can finally be proud of something I did.. other than something small.. and I want my two brothers to look up to me. And I hope my old friends will one day see that I have changed.

19. Have I made peace with the fact that I am a addict? - Still coming to grips with it.. But yes. I am an addict. I have a addictive personality. And that needs to change.

20. Have I made peace with the things I will have to do to stay clean? - Well it won't be too hard for me. Stay away from people who use and stay out of the medicine cabinet. In practical terms.. these seem like pretty minute details to handle..

21. How is acceptance of my disease necessary for my recovery? - If I don't relate to having a problem then I will fall right back into the ways of the past. I must understand that I am an addict and that I can no longer do these things. For myself. For my family. For my health. For just about everything in my life. I am upset that it took this long to come to terms with it and actually try to live a sober life. But it's never too late I suppose.

22.How do I know it is time to move on? - As Rage Against The Machine once said.. 'What better place than here? What better time than now!!

23.What is my understanding of Step One? I was powerless to stop myself and that led to my years of addiction. If I were.. I wouldn't be in this situation right now.

01-07-2009, 09:41 AM	#27 (permalink)
GameOver Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: West Palm Beach, FL Posts: 8	I saw these questions on page one and decided to fill them out for myself to see how well I'd do. Pretty insightful stuff. I've posted them here to share with all of you.. let me know how you think I did. I do understand I need more work just yet. Now mind you I am creeping up on 4 days now with not a single drink, not a single pill..No smoking of weed either. 1. What does the disease of Addiction mean to me? - Its something that has been gripping my life for a long, long time. I never thought of it as a disease much.. What it means now is that I really need and want to change. Rid myself of this disease for once and for all. It means having to hide my use. Hope I never get caught. I have enough stress in my life to have to worry about this disease on top of it. 2.Has my disease been active recently? How? - Well when I started my detox, I really wanted to take another pill to be rid of the pain.. But the pain is all in my head. I have more confidence in myself when I'm not on something. Just one thing I don't have to worry about anymore.. 3.What is it like when I am obsessed with something?Does my thinking follow a pattern?Describe - When I am obsessed with something I have to give it my all. Really want to have it. And get it as soon as possible. 4.How does the self centered part of my disease affect my life and the lives of those around me? - I stop thinking about everything when I'm high. My worries go away. And I shut myself out from the rest of my family members. When they deserve to have me in part of their lives as much as I want them in mine. 5.How have I blamed others for my behavior? - Of course I've blamed others.. lashed out when people were asking me to do something when I was high.. or if people critcized me I would lash back out at them and say nothing is wrong with me.. When there truly was all along. 6.Do I feel I have enough info. on addiction and recovery to get my behavior under control before it gets out of hand? - I am not going to let it get out of hand anymore. And I am researching the information now as we speak and talking to folks with similar problems under SR.com. I may even go to one of these meetings on Monday. 7.What crisis brought me to recovery? - Well I have to grow up and be sober to land a job. Everyone drug tests.. But it's not even that anymore. I want to be clean for me. 8.When did I first recognize my addiction as a problem?Did I try to correct it?If so, how? If not, why? - I never knew I had a real problem till I realized addiction was part of my life everday, every minute. Eating those pills was like being in cloud 9 all day long.. But it's not how I wanted to live anymore. I have tried to correct it once or twice down the line.. here and there.. But I always went back after a period of time. Just cause I didn't care anymore. 9. Over what exactly, am I powerless? - Hopefully nothing anymore.. but I still have a ways to go. I was obviously powerless to stop when I should have years ago. 10.How has my addiction caused me to hurt myself and others? - I didn't strive hard enough to be what I always wanted to be.. And because drugs (now) and alchohol (when I was younger) I did what I had to do just to get wasted whenever I had free time. Thats what It came down to. I never strived harder to do something greater. And now it's hurting me and my family. I could be supporting them with a good job now.. but it's never too late to start fresh again. And I will now. 11.What does being unmanageable mean to me? - The lack of control and capability to handle an idea, or a task at hand. 12.Did I take drugs or act out on my addictionto change or harbor my feelings?What was I trying to change or hide? - When work I smoked weed to relax after a hard days work. Watched movies and had better concentration (I think) when playing video games. I doubt thats really the reason now. I guess I did all of this stuff to hide my past and an abusive relationship with my step-father. 13.Have I accepted the full measure of my disease? - Not yet but I am coming to terms with it. Thanks to this site and all the helpfull information I have received in the past 4 days. 14.Do I think I can still associate with people connected with my addiction? - Well my brother uses Roxi's all the time. I have no choice but to associate with him. He's where I was getting the majority of my recent DOC fix. I don't really know anyone else so I don't think that will be an issue at the present time. 15.Can I begin my recovery without complete surrender? - No. Not at all. 16.In what ways am I practicing open mindedness? - Listening to other peoples problems and asking questions. People with similar or different problems than mine. 17.Am I willing to follow my sponsors direction? - Don't have a sponsor yet. 18. Do I have a sense of my relative importance within my circle of family and friends? In society? What is that sense? - Well I hope one day my parents can finally be proud of something I did.. other than something small.. and I want my two brothers to look up to me. And I hope my old friends will one day see that I have changed. 19. Have I made peace with the fact that I am a addict? - Still coming to grips with it.. But yes. I am an addict. I have a addictive personality. And that needs to change. 20. Have I made peace with the things I will have to do to stay clean? - Well it won't be too hard for me. Stay away from people who use and stay out of the medicine cabinet. In practical terms.. these seem like pretty minute details to handle.. 21. How is acceptance of my disease necessary for my recovery? - If I don't relate to having a problem then I will fall right back into the ways of the past. I must understand that I am an addict and that I can no longer do these things. For myself. For my family. For my health. For just about everything in my life. I am upset that it took this long to come to terms with it and actually try to live a sober life. But it's never too late I suppose. 22.How do I know it is time to move on? - As Rage Against The Machine once said.. 'What better place than here? What better time than now!! 23.What is my understanding of Step One? I was powerless to stop myself and that led to my years of addiction. If I were.. I wouldn't be in this situation right now.