My boyfriend is an alcoholic.
I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years now. We are two peas in a pod- we have all the same interests and get along really well. We have spoken of plans of marriage and having children. All in all, we are in a serious relationship.
About a year ago, he was drinking just about every single night. This became a problem. One night I talked to him about it for hours, and it really seemed to get to him. After that, he stopped drinking so often. It then turned into him only drinking once a week on weekends. For our ages, this seemed acceptable to me, so I would drink with him. We would drink together at parties or at a restaurant or at his house while we watched a football game.
Soon, I realized the alcoholism never went away. We went through a bit of turmoil in our relationship. Sober, we talked about our issues and handled them well. Then his anger started coming out in his drinking. He wouldn't drink too often, but when he did drink, he would over-do it big time. He would drink to the point where he was so drunk he couldn't walk straight. A few months ago, drinking led him into being in a terrible accident. The accident was a result purely of him being drunk; he's lost a part of his body from it and he has to live with it for the rest of his life.
He's been out of the hospital for awhile now and has recovered from the accident perfectly fine. He has handled the situation very well, considering the extremities of the accident.
We have been able to go out and about again for over a month now. We would go out together and get a few drinks here and there.
I ignored his problem. I pretended it didn't exist.
One night, we drank more than we normally would at a restaurant. We were there with a group of friends, and they were all drinking just as much, so it never really crossed my mind. I drank three beers, as opposed to one pint I would normally have on such an occasion. Now he has always been able to handle more alcohol than I could since he is a foot taller and 80 lbs larger than me. He wound up guzzling down at least 6 schooners of beer... so that's about what? 12-15 beers?
When we left the restaurant, we got into an argument. He wound up hitting me. For two years, he had never once laid a hand on me in a violent manner. Now he did. I was so devastated about the whole situation. We didn't talk for a few days after that, until he apologized to me. He was clearly very upset at himself and poured his heart out to me. I accepted his apology, and told him that his actions that night would never be tolerated again.
Well, he kept drinking. And each time he drank he turned more and more into a monster. He took all of his anger out on me. He would call me names, harass me, and emotionally abuse me. But then, the next day he either wouldn't remember or be so sorry.
The thing is, when he is sober he is everything to me. We're inseparable and so in love. When he drinks, he turns into a monster. A whole different person that I don't even know.
A few nights ago, I left him with a group of friends because his drinking was getting out of hand an hour into the night. Hours later into the night after calling me and harassing me hundreds of times, he threatened to come after me and kill me. I was so upset and honestly, I was scared because he was drunk and when he is drunk he is a monster. I didn't know what else to do but go to the police station and file a complaint against him.
The police officers easily convinced me into getting a temporary restraining order against him. The restraining order would become permanent tomorrow in court.
I did not realize the seriousness of a restraining order until the papers were already signed.
In reality, I know he would never ever kill me. I was just in such distress and the nature of his call left me in complete shock, I had no idea what else to do. I signed those papers in the heat of the moment and now I regret it more than anything.
The point is I am in love with my boyfriend. When he drinks, he isn't the man I know. He is a complete monster. I cannot keep this restraining order against him because I love him I know that he needs help. I know that it is an illness and not something he does intentionally to hurt me. I need to make him realize that he is an alcoholic and I need to find help for him that will actually help him. I would stay with him if he were to stop drinking, but I just need to know a way to help him. I know from personal experience with drug addiction that the only way for him to recover is to want to help himself.
If anyone has any advice, it would be more than appreciated! Him and I are both relatively young (early 20's), which makes it a little more difficult for him to face this issue.
I just need to help the man the I love, because I know deep down below this suffering, he loves me too. We have been through many ups and downs, but this one just seems like it's left at a standing point.
Thank you for your time.