Hey Joe~
Time to get a serious grip. You know what it takes and how to get there. GYST!! Dealing with life on life's terms sux sh*t at times...but you know in your soul the drugs do NOT make the situation better. You might feel like it's making it easier to deal with, but it's the disease talking. That's what it wants you to believe.
Scary = fear
Addiction is a fear-based disease. I've found I've lived my life largely based on fear - of everything. I have turned my fear to an asset, however. My recovery is based on the fear of returning to active addiction. It terrifies me NOT to work a program...not to work the steps. A 12-step program isn't for everyone, but it's what's keeping my a$$ on this side of some sort of sanity - better yet - on this side of the dirt. Whatever you're going through cannot possibly be better with codeine. You may numb yourself and the thoughts, but you can make it without using. You don't have to use today.
I'm really proud of you tapering already. You have gone in and out of actively using something for sometime now from my time on SR. Don't just make this another attempt. REALLY WANT IT FOR LIFE!! YOUR LIFE!! I know you can do it...
((JOE)) I do believe in you!