[Eclipse]

THere is something about posting here that makes me feel so accountable. You are all my friends and I certainly don't want to let you down, and on the other hand, I know that if I do let you down, you will understand. I am just tired of the fight and if we all thought about it, and if we just let it go away and stop the insanity, how much better our lives would be. How much less stress, guilt, wondering, hating ourselves. I don't quite understand how we keep lettting it get us. I know I should be saying ME, but I know from lots of reading what you all are going through too.

The other day when I told my kids about my problem and my plan and then didn't follow through I had to hide the wine, cuz I told them something and couldn't go back on it...do you know how hard and how much effort I had to go through to open a bottle of wine and then hide it and then drink it without anyone knowing? How stupid and what stress I went through. And in the end when you drink 3 bottles of wine in one day...did I really think they didn't notice???? Surely done with it now. SICK AND TIRED!!!