Thank you all, again.
Astro-I think what you do with your Dad is great.I am certainly not there myself though.At one point in my life I spent 3 years not communicating with my mother at all.I was in therapy trying to deal with what she'd done to me as a child and I simply could not face talking to her at that time.I had a lot of hate in my heart towards her.....I thought I'd dealt with most of it, but apparently not.
I have no love for my mother at all.None.I think it's fair enough actually.However, what isn't good is that I need to at least have some compassion for her.I know this.I know I need to forgive her-again, for this recent incident.I am willing to do that-but it's going to be a long road I think.I'll need help.
Kev-you are so right about this being a journey-that we don't know everything.I feel like I had this part of my life under some kind of control.I realise now I can control nothing-only my own behaviour.It's hard to let go of this though, even though I know I need to.Thank you for caring.
Jomey-thank you for what you said.That is just a beautiful way of putting it.I hope one day I can see myself clearly.I'm always surprised when people are kind to me.Sad, really.I'll be in touch more
Trish-thank you too. I'm not sure how I am today to be honest. I'm still fairly raw emotionally but I can say I'm 'okay' in the sense that I don't feel the overwhelming despair I felt yesterday morning and I am glad I tipped the wine outIt's just hell in a bottle for me now.Thank God for all of you here. You have all made such a difference to me these past two days.I'm so incredibly grateful, it's hard to put into words.
I'm sticking close to SR today.
Much love,
Julesxox