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At the end, alcohol sure didn't do what it used to but at least it still offered me a much needed buffer between me and the rest of the world, I thought I chose to drink. I wasn't powerless. It took a over a year dry, meetings every day (introducing myself as alcoholic) and a feeble attempt at the steps for me to see that I am, in fact alcoholic. The instant I was able to really admit that to myself, I came to believe in everything good. Before that I was dead inside.
What Bill says was a choice was more of a deduction for me. I had played my last card. I chose to stop fighting and recovery began. Shortly thereafter I put my whole life on the line, drunk and sober, and I knew I'd been in hell. I didn't feel it could get any worse, figured "what have I got to loose?" - That was when I chose to make a decision to ask God to take the whole package of me - and He did, "root and branch" as Bill said.
So yes, willingness was a choice for me but I feel that God helped me with it. I was backed into a corner far enough that my deadly, suicidal brain could see that He was the only way out. Thank you God.
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