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phoenix71 · 01-04-2009, 10:29 PM

I just got home from a medical detox and am craving already. Before I went in I was taking 300 mg day of oxycodone/oxycontin mix and drinking heavily on top of it, with the occassional hit off a joint. I am now on Suboxone but came home to my reality and am jonesing for anything -a beer a joint whatever. I do have a couple of xanax but holidng off for when I REALLY need them. The really good bottle of wine I am saving for a bday present for a friend is looking really good too. I won't drink it but I can't get it out of the house right now either.

Essentially I am alone, exhausted, scared and pissed off. All of the things that I am supposed to do to distract myself remind me of using. Evenbasic things like housecleaning. I always used to give myself energy. How do Iget around this?

For the record I am NOT a beleiver or fan of NA/AA, but I do plan to go to a meeting if I have to- just to fill my time. However I don't see this as my solution. I need other answers. I am aware of my natural insticnt to self sabatoge but am also aware of my limitations.

I started to write a book here about my story - but the story can come later. This is my second go around with this so I have a basic understanding - but realized I just need some comfort at the moment. PLEASE REMIND ME why I am doing this!!

My intent is to find tools and support - I hope to use this board and/or others to help me.

Thank you.

01-04-2009, 10:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
phoenix71 Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Seattle WA Posts: 7	Just got home from detox... I just got home from a medical detox and am craving already. Before I went in I was taking 300 mg day of oxycodone/oxycontin mix and drinking heavily on top of it, with the occassional hit off a joint. I am now on Suboxone but came home to my reality and am jonesing for anything -a beer a joint whatever. I do have a couple of xanax but holidng off for when I REALLY need them. The really good bottle of wine I am saving for a bday present for a friend is looking really good too. I won't drink it but I can't get it out of the house right now either. Essentially I am alone, exhausted, scared and pissed off. All of the things that I am supposed to do to distract myself remind me of using. Evenbasic things like housecleaning. I always used to give myself energy. How do Iget around this? For the record I am NOT a beleiver or fan of NA/AA, but I do plan to go to a meeting if I have to- just to fill my time. However I don't see this as my solution. I need other answers. I am aware of my natural insticnt to self sabatoge but am also aware of my limitations. I started to write a book here about my story - but the story can come later. This is my second go around with this so I have a basic understanding - but realized I just need some comfort at the moment. PLEASE REMIND ME why I am doing this!! My intent is to find tools and support - I hope to use this board and/or others to help me. Thank you.