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nthngrtboutme · 01-04-2009, 05:55 PM

Thank you both. I have been in therapy for yrs.

I am not with those men now because it triggered me into my ed. 20 yrs was quite a lovely break.

I agree about realizing I dont have to give in to it - It is not as automatic as it once was. I actually think before I re-engaged and really see it is not worth it nor does it solve anything. It doesnt relieve any pressure...it makes it worse.

I used to have dreams I relapsed and woke up crying. Now those dreams are proven real. I used too purge several times a day and had to leave college at one point.

I was so happy when I no longer saw food as the enemy. I balanced it and avoided setting myself up for trigger foods until I could get some better recovery tools to pull out. It worked.

I miss the stability I had in my marriage. With my kids gone now I feel useless and alone and unloveable. Im trying to change it in therapy. I am very sad I relapsed after all this time and it makes me feel like such a failure - as though those 20 yrs meant nothing if I just went right back into it.

This time I am older and wiser. Just wish I could realize it does not have to continue and mean I am a screw up. Anyone else feel like this after a relapse??????? I need to hear from you if so. Please.

01-04-2009, 05:55 PM	#4 (permalink)
nthngrtboutme Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 6	Thank you both. I have been in therapy for yrs. I am not with those men now because it triggered me into my ed. 20 yrs was quite a lovely break. I agree about realizing I dont have to give in to it - It is not as automatic as it once was. I actually think before I re-engaged and really see it is not worth it nor does it solve anything. It doesnt relieve any pressure...it makes it worse. I used to have dreams I relapsed and woke up crying. Now those dreams are proven real. I used too purge several times a day and had to leave college at one point. I was so happy when I no longer saw food as the enemy. I balanced it and avoided setting myself up for trigger foods until I could get some better recovery tools to pull out. It worked. I miss the stability I had in my marriage. With my kids gone now I feel useless and alone and unloveable. Im trying to change it in therapy. I am very sad I relapsed after all this time and it makes me feel like such a failure - as though those 20 yrs meant nothing if I just went right back into it. This time I am older and wiser. Just wish I could realize it does not have to continue and mean I am a screw up. Anyone else feel like this after a relapse??????? I need to hear from you if so. Please.