[ANGELINA243]

Keep reaching out for help. You are not alone. You mentioned out-patient treatment.....but have you ever been in an in-patient facility? I went to an in-patient facility for a short while cause out-patient didn't work for me. I was also in/out of AA for 5 years before I truly came to accept my alcoholism. Continue to go to AA if you think it helps....but you do get more out of it if you are not actively drinking. No one else can make you drink, just like no one else can make you stop. Just dont give up on yourself. My question to you--Do you really want to stop drinking? If so, keep moving forward even if you stumble. Acceptance didn't happen overnight for me either. You don't have to go through this alone. Keep posting. And remember--you don't ever have to drink again unless you choose to. Today I have a choice--but once I take that first drink I no longer have a choice....I am doomed. Recovery can be uncomfortable and even painful at first...but it well worth it once you make it through some of the tough stuff. Hang around awhile. Glad you are here.