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lifeisfunny · 01-02-2009, 08:49 PM

My question(s) is simple...
1) How much contact should I have with my EXAGF?
2) Should contact come from her?
3) Should I just keep my distance or be a presence in her life?

My situation is more complicated:
I'm 10 years older then she is (30s and 20s yrs old)....

She has experimented (struggled) with drugs (addictions) since HS....

When we started going out I knew she smoked Marijuana....

She experienced a back injury and received Pain Meds....

As the injury healed I sensed she was still using the Pain Meds occasionally for Rec. purposes but never "taken" in front of me (not saying she was never stoned in front of me)....

As relationships go some of her behavior began to raise red flags which got me thinking there was something/someone else....

Through simple exploration and observation I discovered the bigger problem....

We (I guess "I") were able to move past this and things were very good....

Then one day "This relationship has progressed to fast and we need a break"....

Since this day (in July) contact has almost always been initiated by me and I know through contact with her and through mutual friends that she is spiraling out of control. Her usage has increased and the distance between us is extreme. Basically no contact, she will not return phone calls or e-mails....

At this point I don't know what I should do. I care about her deeply and want/need her to know that if/when she wants help I can be called upon. How do I let her know this? Do I let her know this? I've thought about writing her a letter or talking with her mom or sister-in-law but have been unable to decide if this is wise or not. I know that "recovery" must start with her and she must want to help herself, but can a person be nudged (pushed) into seeing what they are doing to them self? It's tearing me up to feel so helpless and after joining SR today I realize that I must help myself before I could even think of being there for her (I'm Codependent). So again....

My question(s) is simple...
1) How much contact should I have with my EXAGF?
2) Should contact come from her?
3) Should I just keep my distance or be a presence in her life?
4) (Added one) What should my roll in her recovery be?
5) (Added another) What should I do to help myself?

I’m new here today and VERY happy I found SR just wish I found it a while ago.

Hopeful with a Big Heart!

01-02-2009, 08:49 PM	#1 (permalink)
lifeisfunny Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 5	Contact with my EXAGF My question(s) is simple... 1) How much contact should I have with my EXAGF? 2) Should contact come from her? 3) Should I just keep my distance or be a presence in her life? My situation is more complicated: I'm 10 years older then she is (30s and 20s yrs old).... She has experimented (struggled) with drugs (addictions) since HS.... When we started going out I knew she smoked Marijuana.... She experienced a back injury and received Pain Meds.... As the injury healed I sensed she was still using the Pain Meds occasionally for Rec. purposes but never "taken" in front of me (not saying she was never stoned in front of me).... As relationships go some of her behavior began to raise red flags which got me thinking there was something/someone else.... Through simple exploration and observation I discovered the bigger problem.... We (I guess "I") were able to move past this and things were very good.... Then one day "This relationship has progressed to fast and we need a break".... Since this day (in July) contact has almost always been initiated by me and I know through contact with her and through mutual friends that she is spiraling out of control. Her usage has increased and the distance between us is extreme. Basically no contact, she will not return phone calls or e-mails.... At this point I don't know what I should do. I care about her deeply and want/need her to know that if/when she wants help I can be called upon. How do I let her know this? Do I let her know this? I've thought about writing her a letter or talking with her mom or sister-in-law but have been unable to decide if this is wise or not. I know that "recovery" must start with her and she must want to help herself, but can a person be nudged (pushed) into seeing what they are doing to them self? It's tearing me up to feel so helpless and after joining SR today I realize that I must help myself before I could even think of being there for her (I'm Codependent). So again.... My question(s) is simple... 1) How much contact should I have with my EXAGF? 2) Should contact come from her? 3) Should I just keep my distance or be a presence in her life? 4) (Added one) What should my roll in her recovery be? 5) (Added another) What should I do to help myself? I’m new here today and VERY happy I found SR just wish I found it a while ago. Hopeful with a Big Heart!