| Why??
I just came from a wake of a 24 year old son of a co-worker. He died in a car accident on Tuesday. No parent should have to bury their child. The guilt I feel is overwhelming that this family has endeared this loss and I have contemplated my own life in many recent occassions. They shouldn't have to go through this when people such as myself can't value life more and stop being so self absorbed and focused on my own problems. Maybe depression is just a lame way of being lazy and allowing myself to feel sorry for myself without taking any responsibility. I am searching for the miracle drug and all I really need is a swift kick in the butt and be told to suck it up and move on. Life is too short to be so focused on myself. If I don't like myself then that is my problem, but I need to stop thinking about it all and start living. I am sure the funeral is going to be awful and overwhelming. I didn't really know the boy very well and I know his mom from working in the same school, but I feel guilty that she must go through this awful thing. Why does God do these awful things to good people. I am sure that with all the defeatest comments and the poor opinion I have of myself, I will be stricken with some awful disease and ironically I would hate for that to happen even though I have felt that the world would be a better place with out me causing problems and bringing everyone down. I always think that I should have been taken and not some innocent kid that is loved so much my his family and his sister will just die with out her best friend.
Sorry for rambling... It has been a tough week. |