| If I don't believe in god, how is it possible I think I'm it?
I have been doing so good with that third step stuff... really feeling that peace, you know? And then I started a new shift at work and find myself in the same old alcoholic thinking, trying to control the world around me.
It happens so quickly I only realize it after it's happened and I'm like, err? What happened to me? I don't feel like picking up now but every other feeling is there that surrounds picking up... arrogance, frustration, sadness, that I can't force everyone to do what I want them to.
The weird part, though, is that I'm identifying what's going on. I didn't use to think that it was ridiculous to expect people and situations to bend to my will. I always used to think that my motivations were pure and altruistic so therefore behaving badly was excusable. I don't think I even thought that far, to be honest. It's way more uncomfortable this way! It seems that not only does AA take the fun out of your drinking, but out of being an @sshole as well. Had to stop drinking because of that... guess now I have to stop being an @sshole, too.
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