[Paulos]

Hi, I'm curious about myself as usual... I'm 196 days sober, I don't know if I'm going through PAWS or what...

I'm always worried/fearful of things, small or large, OCD constantly of things such as dog hair... but lately I've been losing track of time quickly, for example even though I think it's been longer than a month I don't know how long it's been since I've been drinking 2 cups of coffee a day which could be ... maybe giving me a bad letdown every day after it you think?... After I drink it I feel a little active but then I don't... I've done it to stay awake at times but I also have horrible sleeping patterns anyway, ... and I feel less interest for the things I do.

I've gone up and down up and down from 50mg to 100mg of Zoloft about 3 times now, I know it sounds irresponsible but I'm just trying to find the right dosage... there was a time I was happier about the things I did without drinking coffee... now it takes me a Xanax to feel better but it's only for so long... it's like I can never win... my memory is so bad as it is... and I'm so impatient lately... I... the.... ugh!!!... >_<'... it feels terrible...