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Evanna · 12-22-2008, 03:45 AM

I have heard phrases such as 'healthy selfishness' and while i understand them, like you I have to reframe them in order to make a sense of them that works for me. I like your analogy of putting your breathing mask on first.

I see it as being around priorities and responsibilities. For me, recovery is largely about responsibility but I have to be careful because I can try to take on responsibilities that arent mine. In doing so my true responsibilities get neglected.

My no 1 priority is staying clean as without that nothing else gets done and people get damaged. But it is a juggling act because in order to stay clean i have to behave right.

I often hear people say stuff like 'i have got to look after my needs man' when actually they are just using the phrase to not take responsibility for their actions. If i dont take responsibility for my actions then i am walking dangerous ground and threatening my no. 1 priority of staying clean.

Yet, I have nearly killed myself taking on responsibilities that werent mine. My mum died a few years back and my dad & gran suddenly looked to me to take care of them. I got super over-responsible and took it all on. It was like i was the only adult in the family.

I thought i was being responsible but actually they were adults and looking after themselves was their responsibility not mine. In trying to take care of them i failed to prioritise....staying clean & my son (not an adult) were my true responsibilities & no 1 priorities and i missed them as i had gotten so wrapped up in responsibilities that didnt actually belong to me.

So now in different situations now I try to ask myself what my responsibilities and priorities are. I have to consciously check out whether a thing is my responsibility or someone elses. I have to ask what my priorities are.

12-22-2008, 03:45 AM	#2 (permalink)
Evanna Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Our house. Posts: 816	I have heard phrases such as 'healthy selfishness' and while i understand them, like you I have to reframe them in order to make a sense of them that works for me. I like your analogy of putting your breathing mask on first. I see it as being around priorities and responsibilities. For me, recovery is largely about responsibility but I have to be careful because I can try to take on responsibilities that arent mine. In doing so my true responsibilities get neglected. My no 1 priority is staying clean as without that nothing else gets done and people get damaged. But it is a juggling act because in order to stay clean i have to behave right. I often hear people say stuff like 'i have got to look after my needs man' when actually they are just using the phrase to not take responsibility for their actions. If i dont take responsibility for my actions then i am walking dangerous ground and threatening my no. 1 priority of staying clean. Yet, I have nearly killed myself taking on responsibilities that werent mine. My mum died a few years back and my dad & gran suddenly looked to me to take care of them. I got super over-responsible and took it all on. It was like i was the only adult in the family. I thought i was being responsible but actually they were adults and looking after themselves was their responsibility not mine. In trying to take care of them i failed to prioritise....staying clean & my son (not an adult) were my true responsibilities & no 1 priorities and i missed them as i had gotten so wrapped up in responsibilities that didnt actually belong to me. So now in different situations now I try to ask myself what my responsibilities and priorities are. I have to consciously check out whether a thing is my responsibility or someone elses. I have to ask what my priorities are. __________________ I used to have a handle on life....but it broke off!