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Originally Posted by dbauer00  Thanks for the kind words!
Day-2 in the books. I feel much better today. No shakes and much of the anxiety is gone. I found a group that meets early every morning and it's on my way to work. I'll be taking my coffee there.
I want to share a bit of my story.
I've known for many years that booze was at the core of most of my problems. I have attempted to mask my alcoholism with exterior achievements, (e,g,. work, running, school, and things). My wife of 20-years has tolerated me but has also asked me to drink "normally". I DON"T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT. I plan everything around getting drunk. I make sure I don't have to drive. If wine is served, I worry about getting my share. If I don't have work; DRUNK. I'll drink beer, wine, Jack, or whatever else is available. I do most of my drinking at home to avoid trouble with the law. When I travel I drink in my room.
I was once a decent athlete but no more. At 46 my drinking has degraded my health both physically and mentally. I look bad because my health is declining. I know that I must stop. Thanks for your concern. Dave |
dbauer00, we're similar in that we know if we're gonna drink, we're gonna get drunk. I've known that about myself for years...decades, actually. But I still felt bulletproof, invincible, I am fine, I can handle it! But I also thought those published "risks" about drinking were just propaganda. They didn't really apply to me...but now I know I need to quit. NEED to. I don't necessarily
want to...but I know I
need to. I'm still trying to figure out how to do it successfully. We're the same age, btw.
Please bear with me while I spill my story (or go ahead and skip this part)...writing it down helps me recognize my own demons, and revisiting my own writings here helps me to counsel myself. (Gee, just how delusional have I become?)
But I'm making a little progress, so it seems to me, anyway. Cumulatively I was able to carve 2+ months of sobriety out of the last 6, including a 43 day stretch that ended before last weekend. Yesterday was supposed to be a new Day 3 for me, but I blew it in an anxiety overwhelm. I felt like I was going to lose my mind last night, so I finally gave in and went to 7-Eleven, where I could buy wine at 1:30 am. Ya, I'm feeling kinda pathetic this morning, but at least it knocked me out so I could get a few hours of sleep.
To complicate matters, my wife and I have come under intense financial pressure, especially since last weekend, when a certain revelation made a bottle of vodka seem like a really good idea. She's a wonderful woman, married 15 years to her, and
love her dearly, but with a drinking problem too, made worse by increasing financial pressure from a bad business decision (that we made together about her employment...that's another story). But hell, we've been drinking partners for about 17 years! I think I need to start another thread on how to deal with that kind of long-term co-dependency...(like I even know what "co-dependency means"!).
She doesn't know about this site, that I know of, but I won't hide it from her...and I'm not sure what "brain fog" looks like, but I think I've got it, but dunno, seems foggy.
CarolDd, your detox list scared the detox outta me! I can''t just get over my own self-induced hangovers anymore w/o medical help?! That seems extreme, but my last one was bad, IMO, but I got thru it. And I can't afford a medical team to babysit me, so my only option is DIYD (Do-it-yourself-detox).