[Alphawoman]

I have posted before about having lost all hope.

Last June my ABF went into detox to rid himself of drug and alcohol problems. I was naive in believing he really wanted to do all that and much to my dismay he's back using drugs and never gave up the booze. He was homeless (tough for me to let him be) at the time and in retrospect I now believe he went in there to get out of the street. He also knew I would no longer help him out financially (except food) as I'd reach my fill. Since going to Al-Anon and being on this site I also realize how he's been manipulating me for the entire two years of our relationship. The rehab gave him camprol and he just stopped taking it and continued his drinking. The rehab only kept him for 4 days???? He told me the place he would be renting in was a sober house. How stupid was I? Am I? He was also put on another drug to help him stay off of the drugs. He's compulsive and when not doing one addiction makes up for it with others.

Long story.....He worked at the same place I do for awhile until he got fired. He did stay off the coke....He did turn his paycheck over to me for me to take care of his bills (I complained but wrongly did it for him). Once he got fired he went back to his old job where drugs went rampart. Yup...as you've already guessed...he's back to using drugs. He's drinking as much as ever. Yup....to further complicate things he lost his job last night because of a situation he got himself into.

I've been getting stronger every day and letting him know the relationship was at a standstill until he choses to help himself. I'm sick over the amount of money I've given him (I'm so stupid!) for these past two years. I was so afraid of what would happen to him otherwise. I put an end to that these past few weeks when I closed two accounts of numbers I'd given him to buy things like eye glasses, etc. I've paid 23 of the last 24 of his cell phone bills.

I've been detaching with love and firmness. Sure I love him and don't want to see anything bad happen to him but, my hands are tied!

So, today he called in the morning to ask would I wait for him if he were to go away for a long time to get himself squared away. He said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but I deserve to have him be the best he can be. He's telling me over and over he wants to get better for me and I'm what's good for him! He didn't tell me until tonight he'd lost his job. I paid last week's rent for him....so he's got a roof over his head until next Wed. He said he got himself into trouble by being so kindhearted to someone who was supposed to return $$$$ to him by the end of the night. He lent his company's $$$$ and that's why he was fired. I get the distinct impression his accolades of love (as in times past) aren't forthright! He's going to be homeless again by next Wed.

So, to all of you out there am I just being cynical or am I witnessing the same manipulative behavior I have in the past? I don't mind buying him a meal but I'll not give him one dime to pay any more bills. He comes from a very large family and I know when he went homeless in June no one was willing to help him out.

He's always saying that someone did him wrong. I expressed to him today that it wasn't his kindness that got him into trouble but, perhaps the people he chooses to associate with don't have his best interests at heart. He told me I was the only one he trusts...I'm the only one who understands.

I'd love to give him some leeway but, based upon his history I think he's just pulling at my heart strings. I refuse to be used anymore. I told him that last week and I can't fall back into that old bait and hook trap he's setting for me.

Help. Sorry this ended up being so long. I'm attempting to keep myself from going into panic mode.

Alphawoman