Thread: Denial
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Old 12-13-2008, 09:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
Paulie
It is what it is!!!
 
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,785
Quote:
I am not able to apply the 12 steps on food
Able is not the right word....willing is the word.

Trust me I know, I speak from experience.

I always had a weight problem, except when I was using my doc....speed. I got clean, instantly gained 30 lbs. Towards the end of my first year I lost most of by starving myself. As I continued to work a program that behaviour didnt work anymore. I had to maintain, not an easy thing for an addict like me. But I did. Then I stopped going to meetings, stopped working a program and I gained over 85 lbs. After 4 years of being away from the program I got miserable enough to walk back into the rooms.

I have lost the weight, but I still struggle daily, up and down, 10 lbs off, 15 on etc. etc. today as I work a program I understand it is not about the substance, that can be a bag of speed or a box of donuts.......I am an addict. It is about my behavior.

For me a huge gift I got in recovery (one of many) is learning to think before I speak, a trait IMO most addicts (not in recovery) do not have LOL. Today I have learned to think before I eat......I have learned this through working a program.

What I am trying to say (I get so darn long winded sometimes LOL) is it is not the substance, (the food) it is the behavior.

Willingness is the answer.
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I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06
The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR
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