For most of my adult life, my weight was around 210 or 215. Many people referred to me as "lanky" because I was thick but sort of tall (6'1"). When I got clean I was weighing 160 -165 lbs but gained it all back and more within 30 days and by the time I had 4 months clean I was 245. I was heavy but I felt great, so I didn't concern myself with it. I justified that I'd rather be thick than sick and I maintained that size up until I got incarcerated. I served 18 months...18 months of pasta, rice, potatoes and lots of tuna... and when I came home I weighed 275. For 5 years I seemed to be able to eat whatever I wanted (whenever I wanted) and not gain any more weight, and I still felt pretty good and carried it well (so they say). Most folks were shocked when I told them I weighed 275...so I didn't worry about it.
Then I met "B."
As with many folks who date, we'd go out to eat regularly. Appetizers and full-course meals, then laying around watching movies. But the sinker was all the late-night eating. You see, she loves chicken wings (at 3 -4:00 in the morning!!) and I'd eat right along with her.
Now it's 2 years later and I'm 295...and I can see the gain (unlike before). She gained weight too, but here's where we differ: not only has she cut back on food, she joined a gym and is working out 2 - 3 times a week. Me...all I did was stop eating late at night. She's losing weight and I'm still at 295. Oh..did I fail to mention that she's not an addict?
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Everyday I tell myself "tomorrow I'll start a diet or a healthy lifestyle."
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I say the same...not everyday...but pretty regularly. So, yes, I can relate. For me, it isn't so much about denial as it is not having the willingness to do what it takes to lose it.