[woodtick]

Thank you everybody for the kind replies, words of wisdom, sharing of personal stories, and most of all your concern for my well being. I am feeling a lot better thanks to all of you. Since Thursday my thoughts have been consumed with all of the disasters in my life and a feeling of being doomed. I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone about what I'm going through, I even had to get loaded to post it here. So much for my sobriety streak. As a student of psychology I thought I could handle anything but I was completely slammed by this. Thank God it is my past and I can leave it there, It really sucks if people know about it though. Worse yet strangers. No, my past isn't too awfully bad by today's standards but it's bad enough that I am ashamed of it.

I really hope this fear is not true. It would make life a lot easier to move forward. There have been specific times in my life when thoughts have been revealed to me. It's almost like a sixth sense and I don't know where it comes from but I am absolutely certain when it does. This is one of those revelations and it's why I went off the deep end. I could just picture some young punk finding it and emailing it to the entire faculty as he laughs his a## off in absolute amusement of his cruelty. As with past disasters in my life I will pick up the pieces and forge ahead. "get busy living or get busy dieing" is an appropriate quote today. I have thought about the latter all weekend but now I'm starting to think about the other option. I'm going to clear the beer and schnapps bottles out of my computer room and get back on the wagon. I don't even like alcohol anymore, I don't know why I did it.

I can't believe I had gotten to that point. I've been depressed in my life before but never like that. All of your help made the difference, I mean that with all sincerity. Even though this board is anonymous I believe I have friends here. I'm not getting all mushy or anything I just want to let everyone know how much I appreciate your words of encouragement and concern for me. It honestly makes me feel good inside, I don't know how else to describe it. I'm now looking forward to getting my feet back underneath me and being there for someone else that needs help. I'll keep everybody posted with my progress. I have worked too hard to clean up my life and I'm not going to let this set me back any further.