[woodtick]

Well, I don't know how to say this but I will try. I thought about posting this in the mens forum but there just isn't much traffic there so I think it would be best for me to not go into details and post it here.

I have been getting a feeling that people at school have been staring at me lately and also been very stand-offish. I'm not sure if I'm paranoid and loosing my sense of reality or what but I am very perceptive, sometimes over perceptive and maybe I am perceiving things that aren't there. I've been hard-pressed to understand if there was a reason that people might be staring at me for the last week. After much thought, I pieced together this; My computer had problems a few months ago and I saved all my documents to cd. Well I also wrote a word document around that time for a love/sex addiction website detailing my sexual experiences throughout my life to determine if I have a problem. I can't account for one of my cd's for my computer and I'm starting to think I used it to save a paper for a class and brought it to the computer lab for printing and left it in a computer there. I do have add and am very forgetful. I'm not sure where to go from here. If it did happen I don't ever want to go to that school again wondering who read my sex history, something that nobody should know about but me. Yes it did include some shameful things from my past, I'm not sure I could live with myself knowing that people in my school know about it.

On the other hand, maybe my mind is playing tricks on me and I'm not thinking rationally. It would be a rare coincidence for these chain of events to happen but those seem to be my forte'. I have literally contemplated checking out this weekend. The only thing that has kept me from doing so is a fear of going to hell. I even lost my sobriety. I'm starting to think about my life as a whole and seeing a pattern of every time some hope or something potentially beautiful comes along I get the rug pulled out from underneath me.