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Again, thanks...
It ishard to listen to the fact that is all up to me! For that I think it is impossible. Yes I am a perfectionist. I had always thought of my self as spiritual, but recently I don't know if I fit the bill. My daughter recently refused to go to church and said that she didn't believe in God and if there is a god then why would "HE" (and why does it have to be a he she also said) take the life of my CCD teacher's husband with cancer." This woman is very good and she is spiritual. I don't want to believe in a god that will do that"
I stopped and I felt stunned and unable to explain what god is and why we should believe. I had never been faced with that question. I could not answer it. I felt the words come out as "this is what you are supposed to do" Frozen without the feelings to describe to her a reason for faith I felt useless with this endeavor and completely taken over by this illness. I fear my negative effects on my children. This is when I fear what I will do if I start seeing myself come out in my children. Right now they have their father's zest for life and their mother's sensitivity. I hope that my negativism doesn't get them down or ruin their lives because I am not doing anything to make it better.
Thank you again for your perserverance and interest.
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