I too have spells where I do everything in my power to sabotage myself. I am so hard on myself. My husband says all the time to me..he's never seen anyone be so mean to themselves. I do it with strict eating allowances, with taking drugs I know full well will only hold me back, I do it with Who cares attitude, with horribly negative talk about myself, I do it by not allowing myself to be treated well or with respect, all kinds of things. It is truly very difficult to turn this around, but please know it is possible. Are you a praying person? I have to pray and also meditate alot on days that I am like this. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. We always have achoice in all that we do....this was key to helping me turn myself around a bit..of which I am along ways off from being emotionally healthy......Start with something small, something that is respectful and good for YOU.
Also like you said...hoping for that feeling..I can so relate, the trick I found was this..I had to create that feeling by my actions and by my attitude, and let me tell you it hurt liek any physical pain to do so. I still resist it alot, but with practice and commitment it gets better, not perfect.
Do you tend to be a perfectionist in most things? Super high expectations of yourself and others? I was like this...and I burned out..didn't want to breathe..let alone participant in DOING anythin with anybody, least of all myself..I became stuck...frozen, in a limbo of hell. It can get better my friend. be patient with yourself..and slowly start to ewxplore wasy in which you can creatre the life you desire. Don't give up..there is always hope.
