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Thank you... As my eyes fill with tears I too hope for that feeling of I can do it. All the things you described I know are healing, but I am making myself not do them. I actually am making myself not do the good things for myself. I enjoy running, but I will make every excuse in the world to not do it because then I should feel good and I either am afraid I won't or I don't deserve too! I am not sure if I have heard of anyone here being so low and self-punishing. Most seem to take strides to improve rather than dig themselves deeper in the hole of depression. If I take one baby step forward then I take 5 baby steps back with my self-punishment. My therapist is aware of this and is clearly stated that I can't move forward unless I stop the self-loathing. This is as difficult as the depression. If I can control the self loathing then I can control the depression. Neither of which I am doing a very good job at.
Thank you for your kind words.
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