First, kudos on your sobriety!
That's a wonderful gift for her and for yourself!
Keep up the good work!
Here are two great sites for you and your wife to look at:
Bipolar II, Mood Swings without Mania; Brain Tours; Stress and Depression; Hormones and Mood; and more...
and
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-ny-times.html (Bipolar information from the NY Times)
The first one has some self help diagnostic tools that you can print out and bring to your doctor. But, please be aware. *Only* a doctor can diagnose her. The tools give you and her a reason to see a doctor only, and discuss the possiblity of the diagnoses. Because bipolar condition is very difficult to diagnose.
It may be that your wife is having a hard time adjusting to the new you. And yes, she *may* be playing the "victim" role. But codependents are very sick people too. So she may not be bipolar. Here, on the next post, are some characteristics of codependent people. See if this makes any sense to you and your wife.
Shalom!