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mle-sober · 12-05-2008, 07:32 PM

I was just thinking about this as I was driving home from errands. I feel like a sluggish, unattractive, sometimes invisible, easily peevish, horribly anxious, constantly struggling, hole in the wall of my world.

I used to feel like a sexy, dynamic, interesting, intelligent, unique woman.

At the same time, I'm alive. I'm a survivor. And my world is not dominated by the whirlwind of mania. Or threatened by the psychotic places that follow. Or pooled into horrible profoundly sad suicidality. And I'm not in the psych ward.

I feel acceptance, for the most part, of the fact that I have chosen life (even if it involves mega-psych drugs and feeling a bit like old dirty cotton) over what felt like that brilliant shiny firey burn.

But every once in a while, I get a flash of what I used to feel like. And I miss it.

12-05-2008, 07:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
mle-sober mle-sober Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Golden, CO Posts: 1,243	I was just thinking about this as I was driving home from errands. I feel like a sluggish, unattractive, sometimes invisible, easily peevish, horribly anxious, constantly struggling, hole in the wall of my world. I used to feel like a sexy, dynamic, interesting, intelligent, unique woman. At the same time, I'm alive. I'm a survivor. And my world is not dominated by the whirlwind of mania. Or threatened by the psychotic places that follow. Or pooled into horrible profoundly sad suicidality. And I'm not in the psych ward. I feel acceptance, for the most part, of the fact that I have chosen life (even if it involves mega-psych drugs and feeling a bit like old dirty cotton) over what felt like that brilliant shiny firey burn. But every once in a while, I get a flash of what I used to feel like. And I miss it.