Quote:
Originally Posted by hippyhippy 
Anyone else want to share good or bad memories of 'before' becoming unwell? Are you going to try to get it back or are you glad to leave it where it is?
Hippy
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I'll bite Hippy. Before I began suffering from depression I was a straight A student in a College Preparatory school. I had plans to become an attorney. At the same time I was a competitive figure skater. I was training with Olympians and had plans to go to the National Championships. Then my tendon on the back of my foot blew out. I fell into a situational depression which led to clinical depression, agoraphobia and PTSD.
Fourteen years later I saw a study manual for the GED or High School Equivalency exam. It wasn't as hard as I expected. I bought the book(I'm a bookworm) and decided to take the exam. I took my High School equivalency exam and passed with flying colors. In fact I was asked to speak at my graduation. However, I knew with my anxiety it would not be a good idea.
I then slowly began to take courses at my local community college. I am now one quarter away from completing my Bachelor of Arts degree at a private college and preparing to enter Law School next fall. I have been told I exceed all the criteria so I still consider myself a L1 (Law School year 1) as I will be auditing a course in a month. I am finally going to do what I have wanted most of my life.
How did I do it? I realized my weaknesses and chose to work around them. When I became depressed I took classes that met on campus. When I got a bad bought of agoraphobia I took independent studies and studied at home. I was scared to enter the workplace after all these years so I found federal work study jobs on campus (I am no longer working as I prepare for a special law school exam). When I decided to quit my job due to office politics, I asked if I could stay an extra quarter so I can receive financial aid to pay for my first quarter of law school expenses.
The key for me was starting out slow. REAL slow. I also needed to recognize my weaknesses. If I was too depressed to study for all my courses, I would circle the drop date on my calender and I refused to allow myself to feel guilty for leaving the courses. I found teachers that I could open up to. They helped lead me when I could not lead myself. I admitted to myself that depression is a disease and like any disease I need to work around it. When my depression came back, I was honest with my adviser and allowed myself to do as much work on myself while I received two incompletes. I didn't demand perfection from myself.
When I received my Associates Degree in Political Science two years ago, the entire political science faculty stopped me to pat me on the back or shake my hand as I walked past them. My employer at the campus library was crying when she hugged me. It was amazing how many people were proud of me. And because I had been honest with most of them, they knew what I had been through. It was one of the best moments of my life.
It wasn't easy. I started by making a list of small goals. When I enter Law School, I will do the same thing. Here is one of my lists.
- take history course (required)
- complete history course
- complete second semester as part-time student
- sign up for full time semester
- finish 9 units, allow self to drop one course if it causes anxiety
- go full time for one semester
- participate in the model United Nations
- only take courses required for Associates Degree
- complete Associates degree
- attend graduation
- apply to 4 year college for Bachelors degree
- complete one quarter at new college
- complete second quarter
- get job on campus
- take Capstone course (required to receive my BA)
- complete BA program
- attend graduation (actually the most scary thing on this list as the graduation is in a large theater)
- research law schools
- audit course at the law school of my choosing
- study for Law School Admissions Test
- take LSAT even if not needed
As you can see, this list is micromanaged. I also made changes as my illness required.
Anyway, this is my story. And it all started because I saw a book on the high school equivalency exam.