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Am thinking of you jennygirl73 (from all the way over here in Austr)
Someone at a meeting once said to me re discussing "us" with my then AH(and today RAH) "he doesn't want a conversation/discussion he wants to let rip.....upset you and be mean..........and don't think that you can outsmart him when he is in full flight, he has all the cards in the deck, and is much more practiced than you..........don't take him because you'll lose" gulp OK. I took the advice and it has worked for me.
We are here for you Jennygirl!
As a counsellor in child and adolescent mental health, if a child states this or that about someone I generally validate that. Like "you don't like Daddy sometimes?" "Oh I see, so sometimes you don't like Daddy and sometimes you do? Oh OK then now I know how you are feeling.....I like it when you tell me how you feel. I love listening to you" or something like that. Tell me to but out but if I am overstepping the mark here. It is just a way of validating without blaming the partner. that's not to say that it isn't right to name it when things are unacceptable
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